The Meaningful Path

Occassionally, I meet older couples who don't have children, and it always strikes me as a strange situation.  It's one thing if a couple has trouble conceiving or isn't settled yet.  But it's an entirely different situation when a couple "chooses" not to have children.

I put "chooses" in quotes because evolution really didn't set up children as a choice.  Evolution made sex fun, and then voila, children appear nine months later.  In other words, it is not supposed to be an intellectual choice; there is no mental framework for weighing the costs and benefits of children.  It is just a natural outcome of a relationship.

I used to think having children was strange, now I think not having children is strange.  Having a child around feels very, very natural.  And whatever preconceived ideas I had about children have discarded; parenting is mostly a visceral, emotional process.  And I love it.   

Comments

[K]

I just discovered this page this evening, and I think you've got a great blog. :)

It also seems unnatural to me how many people, especially those in technologically advanced, "developed" nations, choose to not have children. I asked my father about this, and he said that, while having my sister and I were two semi-accidental occurrences, he couldn't imagine his life being full without children.

It also bothers me how hostile people in cities are to those with children. Here in Calgary, it's next to impossible to rent a home that will allow children. In Fredericton, it was easier to find a place that would rent to dog owners than to parents.

Why the hostility? I have no answers, but I do think it's sad.

[Matt Metzgar]

Hi K,

I think a lot of the problems come from the current "sectioning off" of age groups. Natural communities have people of all different age groups interacting. In modern society, you have the seniors in old people's homes, kids in schools often only with kids their age, etc. And I don't think all of this a good trend.

[K]

You're absolutely right! Now we only socialize children with children, rather than with young adults, adults, and the elderly. It's the same situation, to a far lesser degree of course, as those children in Golding's Lord of the Flies. I've long thought that this generational segregation isn't healthy for anyone.